Rough and Raw - Day 2

Challenge of the day is to put out something ‘terrible’ that I created…. So interesting… I started a new painting yesterday. Usually I will never, NEVER!, put out a first start or even an unfinished painting….  Perfectionism? Yes. Unwillingness to receive what people blur out about the unfinished piece? Yes. There is also a judgment that I have about people saying what they see in the painting that will then lock me into their vision of it and keep me from moving freely with it. Oh, really? I let all that shit go! Would an infinite being ever buy into somebody else’s point of view? Everywhere I did that, I now let that go!

"What have I made so vital about perfection that keeps me from enjoying creation for me?" Thank you, Blossom!

Now, here is the rough/tough start of a painting. I had a couple of hours yesterday and started it. I know by now that things never turn out the way I think they will. At least, this is how it is for me. Creation has this total out of control thing to it.

Here, I am painting a red poppy. Hmmmm…. RED poppy. All I chose from the yumminess of my palette yesterday were blues and greens, some golds…. Painting, what would you like to be? What colors would you like me to choose? I enjoyed the strokes with my brush, the water flowing colorfully out onto the canvas, paint playing with water and canvas and air, the birds, the breeze, things shaping and moving.  Molecules dancing in front of my eyes.

At the end of the day, coming in at almost-dark, I had a judgment about not even having a fraction of a red spot on the green thing…. Being with the imperfection, being with the weird thing, the crooked, the misaligned, the unbalanced, the roughness of a start…. Been there a lot. There is this sensation in my stomach as I’m writing, a growling beast that can be anything and change anything, that is also full of excitement and possibility. Aaaah, the cool water on my hands is such a relief and makes me giggle! “

Trickle, trickle water, running through my hand, bring the joyful sunshine to my growling land!”

I have tears of joy and laughter, gratitude beyond words. My heart is beating and dancing, a rhythm so powerful that I’m not sure how to contain it. And, would an infinite being contain anything? So, I’m expanding 100,000 miles around me. Embracing the imperfection, the ugly, the judgment.

Oh, yes, here’s the shift.  To allow for it all. Who knows what the painting wants to be? I’m embracing the unknown, the vulnerability and the question. What else is possible here that I have never considered? What space of creation can I be from here that I have never been before and that I never imagined possible?

And, how can I be more of this space of creation today? Raw, unfinished dance.