Bluntly honest

I just had a moment of 'bluntly honest' with myself... and I share this here.

I have to admit that I have been lying to myself. I always thought that I was willing to have money. I just found out that I was NOT willing to have money. Instead, I have been using money to control me and to control my 'degree of happiness' with money/no money.

What did 'being money' even mean?

I have been sliding back and forth on that polarity ride of money/no money and my points of view about that. And all that is not even real. It's all lies. And it's not my reality. I have been sliding back and forth in somebody else's reality, this reality and trying to create change there for me. And I have been wondering what I was choosing that always created these extremes of money/no or little money?

Can I change somebody else's reality? NO! Can I create any truth with a lie and from a lie? NO! 

Could I be money? No. Could I be control? No. I have been using control to abuse me. Sort of the 'power over' type of control. I'm changing this. I am choosing my reality. 

So, I asked today to show me the space of Bettina, without all the points of view that I had ever bought and entrained to. Instantaneously, it showed up as such ease and joy with everything, like a spring breeze. I am choosing that. THAT is my reality. Ease and space, effortlessness and happiness, gratitude and allowance, kindness and infinite possibility, IS my reality. 

What energy, space and consciousness can my body and I be to be that spring-breeze-space of me for all eternity with total ease?